Lately I have been feeling sad. Not sad about one thing, but many. But mostly because I realize that my life of parenting little ones is coming to a close, and I am entering a new phase of life: Parenting adult children who are making life choices that I do not agree with. And it grieves me in such a deep way, that it has overshadowed every other thing in my life. And it sucks the enjoyment out of the things I used to really love. But, in some weird way, that is a good thing. Because I am learning to see the things that used to be really important as kinda trivial and a waste of time, and the things that I pushed aside are now taking a priority. Let me explain.
I used to spend a lot of time worrying about how I looked. I spent time fixing my hair just so. I washed it every day, even in the winter. I permed, curled, blow-dried, and moussed the heck out of it. I shopped for fabric, clothes, shoes, and accessories whenever I got the chance.
And I scrapbooked. I think I was addicted. I had to have all the latest goodies, and since I was a Creative Memories Consultant, I had to sell them to my customers, too. And when scrapbooking went mainstream, WOW! I amassed copious amounts of supplies.
Then I started stamping cards. And the collection grew to astronomic proportions.
And the china, tea pots, tea cups, and don't forget the tea itself.
I loved me some stuff. And I loved me, way too much.
None of these things are bad. None of them are wrong. But one day, I started looking around and realized that I had filled my life with so much stuff that I loved, that there wasn't time to use it. I had to spend all my time organizing and cleaning up my stuff. I hated to take anything out and make a mess because I had so much it was difficult to get it out or put it away. I had so much that I had to use up that I didn't have time to go out with a friend for lunch. It would take too much time to get ready, and take up time I needed to be doing something else.
But, God is so good and he is teaching me to let go of stuff. It started by a sermon that our pastor preached about the needs in other countries, and how we have so much. I felt God was asking me to do something: Fast from buying myself anything for the next year.
I am six months into it, and I am making some strides in the right direction. And the amazing thing is that, although I held my stuff loosely before this, I now let him hold it. And I have gotten to where I can go in a store and smile and say: "I don't need that. It will just take up space, and I don't want to clean up after using it, and think of how many people can be helped by the money I save!" I admit, I haven't been perfectly faithful. Just this past week I bought something I have to return because, I just don't need it. But as I seek him, he is faithful to help me see, little by little, that it is just stuff, NOT the STUFF of LIFE. HE is the Stuff of Life.
And that is the best thing that has happened is that as I let go of the clutter, I have room for Him. As I stop the busyness, and be still, I am seeing things in His Word more clearly than I ever have, and I am falling deeper and deeper in love with Him. Which I never was able to comprehend before. People would say, "I love Jesus so much" and I would wonder how they got there. And would I ever? In fact, I often thought that I didn't love him at all. Now I realize that you never really know how to love someone unless there is sacrifice. Think about it. All real, deep love is borne out of sacrifice. You love your kids and have sacrificed who you were as a childless, free woman for them. Perhaps you even resent them a little for it. I know I do. But I love being a mom. And your husband. I can't even comment on that one. It is a willing and joyful sacrifice. And thats the way Christ wants us to treat him. After all, look at what he gave up for us. What a willing sacrifice he was for us.
We can love, because he set the standard. He made the ultimate sacrifice for us. His life for mine. Yet, He hasn't asked me to go to my death for him. He has asked for me to go to my life for him. Living life with him and for him. And death to my ways, thought patterns and sinful desires. Easier said than done.
Which brings me back to my original thought: (you thought I had forgotten that, didn't you?) Being sad.
How do I not let this sadness take root and overshadow everything with its black canopy? By choosing to live in the joy of the journey and the hope of Him. Job said, "though he slay me, still I will rejoice in Him." Practically speaking,
Psalm 46 lays it out:
"God is our refuge and our strength. An ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, thought the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
Theres more, but this is what I see:
God is my refuge. But I have to be still to know it. And the more still and quiet my heart is, the more I enjoy him, and the less I need to seek pleasure in stuff. And as I am still and quiet, I can look at the nations for subtle signs of his movement. I can look for Him at work everywhere. I can see the ways he is exalted in the earth: the trees, the flowers, the seas, the lakes, the rocks. Everything shouts his praise. And the nations will one day, too.
And my situation will change. At just the right time, in just the way HE wants it to. When and where. And not a moment to late, or too soon. So Enough Already! I am going to embrace the moment and live for Him here and now, and rip up the roots of that black weeping willow that has taken over the joy of my heart and forge ahead in the Hope of my tomorrow. Goodnight joy-sucker, Good morning, Joy of the Morning!
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Monday, May 28, 2012
For various reasons, we decided to stay in Mahomet, Il. at the lovely Tin Cup campground and Driving Range (yes, I did say driving range...not that I would ever take advantage of it, but it was lovely to look at) for one more night, before heading to Chicagoland for the wedding of the couple Don and I had been privileged to mentor. They are getting married this afternoon, and we are so excited for them.
Since we were staying an extra day, we decided to explore the quaint little town of Mahomet. First, we indulged in a delicious breakfast at the Red Hen.
Then, upon the recommendation of our Campground Host, we went to the Lake of the Woods park. Oh My!! It was a beautiful park with a botanical garden that went on and on. We walked around just enjoying God's creation and then went back to RTJ (wondering what that is? read earlier posts) to rest.
A little later, everyone decided it was time to eat again. (I always wonder how this happens so quickly. I mean, do they really need food all that often? I can't figure out why, after a HUGE breakfast, 3 hours later they are hungry again. And they get real cranky if they don't get food. Especially the oldest one. Dad I mean.) So Don looked on Urban Spoon (his favorite for recommendations...mine too, especially in a little one horse town) and found an authentic Mexican place called Zarapes. Now I know you're thinking what I was thinking: "Mexican.....in Illinois??" But it had multiple positive reviews, so off we went. Well, we were all pleasantly surprised. The food was fantastic, service impeccable and cleaner than most places I've been. Josiah had the Burrito Mano. It was HUGE!! Steak and beans, cheese, sour creme, lettuce and covered with homemade queso.
AND HE ATE IT ALL.
Thats when I realized he is in his growth spurt and we are in trouble. Our food bill is on its way up. Unless we live in Mahomet, Il. where he could eat this burrito every day and only pay $6.99 for it. Yup. I said $6.99!! If we lived there, and he ate there every day, I think they would have to up their prices. Or we would put them out of business. So I think it would be better for them if we move on.
After eating, we stopped at a little second hand shop in the same shopping center. We found some old children's books for .25 each, including a hardback edition of the complete collection of Winnie the Pooh by A.A. Milne. For a quarter! While checking out I spied several cute doilies and asked if she had any more. She replied, "Do I have any more? I have 2 huge tubs of them from my mother's and grandmother's attic in my office! Would you like to see them?" "Yes, Please."
I spent the next 1/2 hour ooh-ing and ahh-ing over the beautiful hand crocheted and embroidered doilies and laces. When I'd finished, I picked through and decided what I thought I could afford and asked, "how much for these?" Mind you I had enough to fill a large Kohl's bag.
"How about $20.00 for the lot?", said she. I had my wallet out and the $20.00 in her hand before she could change her mind. We stuffed them in the Kohl's bag and I walked out smiling like the Cheshire Cat. I knew I had just been blessed and was so excited. But as we drove home, I was thinking: "I should have just offered her $50.00 for the whole tub. I could have had it all!" And immediately a seed of discontentment was planted in my heart.
When we got back to BTJ, I began to scheme in my mind how I could get back by that shop before she closed and offer her $30.00 for the rest of the lot. I forgot all about the amazing blessing God had just given me, and started coveting the stuff I didn't get. Don and I had to go right back there to get groceries later so maybe I could convince him to take me back. No, I knew that would never work. Yet I had to hope he would understand, and maybe he would want me to have it. But alas, No. Even though I said to him, "I could make such cute things with them. I would give some and make some gifts." I even tried, as we were leaving the grocery store parking lot, "I still think you should take me there and let me get the rest of it." "Oh, you do, do you?" Says he, as he drives past.
My heart sank just a little bit, but then the Holy Spirit smacked me upside the head. I thought, "and you are trying to downsize? YOU?" and I opened my heart just a little bit to let the Holy Spirit speak. And He did. He said, "If you buy all that stuff now, you will close yourself off to what I will bring you in the future. You will not have room for anything else. And this is just the beginning of the trip. What if you find some other amazing things at garage sales or auctions in Ohio? or what if you want to buy a gift for someone else and you have spent all I have for you to spend?" And I immediately asked forgiveness for being so short sighted, so selfish and so greedy. And then I realized that there are way more spiritual implications that I need to learn from this.
If I have my hands so full of activities, even if they are good ones, and the Lord brings something else that is more for me, and I can't do it, I miss out on a huge blessing. And if I am doing serving somewhere that is clearly not where I should be, I am robbing someone else of their blessing since I am filling the need that they should be. And if I spend money that should be going to something else, I am robbing God, myself, and someone else. If he can't trust me with something as small as money, (which is huge to us, but nothing to him), why would he trust me with spiritual gifts. OUCH!
I am learning. I have been 'round this block before. But here is yet another layer of that smelly onion he is skillfully removing. And the more he does, the more I see my deep need of a surgeon to remove the cancer of my selfish desires. And I love him all the more for it.
Then, upon the recommendation of our Campground Host, we went to the Lake of the Woods park. Oh My!! It was a beautiful park with a botanical garden that went on and on. We walked around just enjoying God's creation and then went back to RTJ (wondering what that is? read earlier posts) to rest.
A little later, everyone decided it was time to eat again. (I always wonder how this happens so quickly. I mean, do they really need food all that often? I can't figure out why, after a HUGE breakfast, 3 hours later they are hungry again. And they get real cranky if they don't get food. Especially the oldest one. Dad I mean.) So Don looked on Urban Spoon (his favorite for recommendations...mine too, especially in a little one horse town) and found an authentic Mexican place called Zarapes. Now I know you're thinking what I was thinking: "Mexican.....in Illinois??" But it had multiple positive reviews, so off we went. Well, we were all pleasantly surprised. The food was fantastic, service impeccable and cleaner than most places I've been. Josiah had the Burrito Mano. It was HUGE!! Steak and beans, cheese, sour creme, lettuce and covered with homemade queso.
AND HE ATE IT ALL.
Thats when I realized he is in his growth spurt and we are in trouble. Our food bill is on its way up. Unless we live in Mahomet, Il. where he could eat this burrito every day and only pay $6.99 for it. Yup. I said $6.99!! If we lived there, and he ate there every day, I think they would have to up their prices. Or we would put them out of business. So I think it would be better for them if we move on.
After eating, we stopped at a little second hand shop in the same shopping center. We found some old children's books for .25 each, including a hardback edition of the complete collection of Winnie the Pooh by A.A. Milne. For a quarter! While checking out I spied several cute doilies and asked if she had any more. She replied, "Do I have any more? I have 2 huge tubs of them from my mother's and grandmother's attic in my office! Would you like to see them?" "Yes, Please."
I spent the next 1/2 hour ooh-ing and ahh-ing over the beautiful hand crocheted and embroidered doilies and laces. When I'd finished, I picked through and decided what I thought I could afford and asked, "how much for these?" Mind you I had enough to fill a large Kohl's bag.
"How about $20.00 for the lot?", said she. I had my wallet out and the $20.00 in her hand before she could change her mind. We stuffed them in the Kohl's bag and I walked out smiling like the Cheshire Cat. I knew I had just been blessed and was so excited. But as we drove home, I was thinking: "I should have just offered her $50.00 for the whole tub. I could have had it all!" And immediately a seed of discontentment was planted in my heart.
When we got back to BTJ, I began to scheme in my mind how I could get back by that shop before she closed and offer her $30.00 for the rest of the lot. I forgot all about the amazing blessing God had just given me, and started coveting the stuff I didn't get. Don and I had to go right back there to get groceries later so maybe I could convince him to take me back. No, I knew that would never work. Yet I had to hope he would understand, and maybe he would want me to have it. But alas, No. Even though I said to him, "I could make such cute things with them. I would give some and make some gifts." I even tried, as we were leaving the grocery store parking lot, "I still think you should take me there and let me get the rest of it." "Oh, you do, do you?" Says he, as he drives past.
My heart sank just a little bit, but then the Holy Spirit smacked me upside the head. I thought, "and you are trying to downsize? YOU?" and I opened my heart just a little bit to let the Holy Spirit speak. And He did. He said, "If you buy all that stuff now, you will close yourself off to what I will bring you in the future. You will not have room for anything else. And this is just the beginning of the trip. What if you find some other amazing things at garage sales or auctions in Ohio? or what if you want to buy a gift for someone else and you have spent all I have for you to spend?" And I immediately asked forgiveness for being so short sighted, so selfish and so greedy. And then I realized that there are way more spiritual implications that I need to learn from this.
If I have my hands so full of activities, even if they are good ones, and the Lord brings something else that is more for me, and I can't do it, I miss out on a huge blessing. And if I am doing serving somewhere that is clearly not where I should be, I am robbing someone else of their blessing since I am filling the need that they should be. And if I spend money that should be going to something else, I am robbing God, myself, and someone else. If he can't trust me with something as small as money, (which is huge to us, but nothing to him), why would he trust me with spiritual gifts. OUCH!
I am learning. I have been 'round this block before. But here is yet another layer of that smelly onion he is skillfully removing. And the more he does, the more I see my deep need of a surgeon to remove the cancer of my selfish desires. And I love him all the more for it.
Friday, May 25, 2012
Illinois: We Are Here!!
So, driving through Atlanta was frustrating, but made me realize that that is how life sometimes is. We inch a few feet forward, not making much progress, and then we do it again. And life is so daily. I get lost in the slowness and the "to do's" but miss the big picture. The progress. It is like I told my daughter once: You are looking through a microscope when you need to be looking through a telescope.
We have to make sure to look for God in the daily routine of life, or else we will miss the process, and the lessons we need to learn in this stage. Then we will have to learn them in another stage, when we should be further along and mature enough to handle learning something else. I know there are areas that I missed. And thats ok. For if you miss something important, something that you really need to see, God will teach it to you again, in a different situation.
I liken it to an onion. Kinda like Shrek. (not really like Shrek...just like the reference). God uses his scalpel to peel away our stinky human nature layer by layer. Every time you come face to face with how you handle a situation, you have a choice. It may not feel like a choice, but you have one. And the Holy Spirit is there as your helper. And as you make His choices your choices, you grow. And He gives you deeper challenges. Cutting deeper and causing your dependency on Him to grow and your love for Him to flourish....or not, depending on your choices. But He loves you so much that He is not going to let your screams of pain and your pouting and your whining to deter His plan for you. He may give you a reprieve, and let you go your own way for a while, but you are HIS. And He LOVES you. So He continues his surgery, carving you into the image of His likeness, for all the world to see. And I wouldn't trade that for anything. Even if I could breeze through Atlanta at 55 mph and get to my earthly destination faster. I don't want to miss my heavenly appointment, so I guess I am going to have to let Him take his time with me. I wish it was instantaneous, but if it were, I wouldn't have experiences to share, and joy in the JOURNEY. And I wouldn't need Him so desperately. Which I do. And my guess is, you do too. So as you crawl along, scratching and clawing for every bit of ground you attain, only to discover that you've only gone an inch, be grateful. For he is creating something beautiful in you. A life full of experiences you can share with others along the road. And I am grateful we are all motoring along together.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
After much-a-do, we finally made it on the road. It seems like we leave later in the day every time we leave on a trip. We got all packed and in the MoHo, otherwise known as "the big ole rolling turd or the taj mahaul, depending upon who you talk to, or how it is behaving at the moment. The kids call it the Big Ole Rolling Turd, after the motorhome on the movie "R.V." I call it the Taj Mahaul, since when my niece's husband Brad saw it for the first time said: That thing is nicer than my house! Its like the Taj Mahal. I just changed it a bit since we haul everyone around in it. And everything. And a car. Really. we tow a car behind. And the thing that connects the car to the motor home so it can be towed is called a
"TOAD". I am totally serious. So maybe we should call it "the big ole rolling toad" or the Toad MaHaul. Or Toad Hollow. Can you tell I am tired?? Today, Don named it R.T. For Rolling Turd. But I think I will call it R.T.M. Rolling Taj MaHaul. Or something else. Anyway, we were all ready and started to go when a fuse blew in the car. Now you may wonder what that had to do with anything, but for some reason (unknown to me still) it has to have the entire electrical system working. Might have to do with having brake lights. A minor need in my mind. If they can't see the HUGE brake lights on R.T.M, they ought not be driving anyway. But aside from that, we couldn't leave because we did not have any extra fuses. So Don went to get some at the local gas station. In the mean time, I went to the mall because the kids were begging for the traditional Vacation day food: Chik-fil-a. We usually go there and get it because it it across from the turnpike entrance, but since the fuse blew and we were waiting on Don to get back, I went to the mall.
When I returned, low and behold the kids meal had NO NUGGETS! Just fries. Why oh Why didn't I check it before I left the mall? Now what do I do?? So I called the mall Chick-fil-a. They were very kind and very sorry. So sorry that I think I could have gotten them to give me a whole tray of nuggets. But I didn't want that. I wanted them to get a delivery boy to bring me the stinkin' nuggets. But they didn't offer that. If I wanted to go back over there, I could have whatever I wanted. But I Didn't Want to Go Back. I wanted to leave. I wanted to be on the road already!!
Mind you, I didn't loose my temper. I wasn't ugly to the Chick-fil-a guy. How could I be when he was so great. Took down my address and is sending me some coupons. Yay! But I was very frustrated and fussed about for a few minutes. It didn't even cross my mind to ask God what he was up to. How he was working. What I was supposed to take away from this.
Now, even that wouldn't be so bad. Everyone forgets that once in a while, right. Everyone gets frustrated and looses focus once in a while. But that wasn't the first time this week that it happened. OUCH!! It happened yesterday, too. And while I know God forgives, and I don't think much about it when other people have these moments, I hate it when I act like the spoiled brat that I am, and loose it. Ok, I didn't come close to loosing it, but I have in the past. Like yesterday. Well, not really loose it, but more so than I would like.
But more about that tomorrow. Right now, I am asking forgiveness and seeking my Father's face. And then I am going to fall into bed and rest. I know that he has sleep for me now. And I so need it. Tomorrow is another day, with no mistakes on it, to quote a line from Anne of Green Gables. If you haven't seen the movies with Megan Follows, you should. You really really should. Now. Go to Netflix or Hulu or Voodu or whatever other movie source you like. See it soon. You will thank me for it.
Anyway, tune in tomorrow when I will answer the "why" question once and for all. You won't want to miss it. As for now, Good night and God Bless.
"TOAD". I am totally serious. So maybe we should call it "the big ole rolling toad" or the Toad MaHaul. Or Toad Hollow. Can you tell I am tired?? Today, Don named it R.T. For Rolling Turd. But I think I will call it R.T.M. Rolling Taj MaHaul. Or something else. Anyway, we were all ready and started to go when a fuse blew in the car. Now you may wonder what that had to do with anything, but for some reason (unknown to me still) it has to have the entire electrical system working. Might have to do with having brake lights. A minor need in my mind. If they can't see the HUGE brake lights on R.T.M, they ought not be driving anyway. But aside from that, we couldn't leave because we did not have any extra fuses. So Don went to get some at the local gas station. In the mean time, I went to the mall because the kids were begging for the traditional Vacation day food: Chik-fil-a. We usually go there and get it because it it across from the turnpike entrance, but since the fuse blew and we were waiting on Don to get back, I went to the mall.
When I returned, low and behold the kids meal had NO NUGGETS! Just fries. Why oh Why didn't I check it before I left the mall? Now what do I do?? So I called the mall Chick-fil-a. They were very kind and very sorry. So sorry that I think I could have gotten them to give me a whole tray of nuggets. But I didn't want that. I wanted them to get a delivery boy to bring me the stinkin' nuggets. But they didn't offer that. If I wanted to go back over there, I could have whatever I wanted. But I Didn't Want to Go Back. I wanted to leave. I wanted to be on the road already!!
Mind you, I didn't loose my temper. I wasn't ugly to the Chick-fil-a guy. How could I be when he was so great. Took down my address and is sending me some coupons. Yay! But I was very frustrated and fussed about for a few minutes. It didn't even cross my mind to ask God what he was up to. How he was working. What I was supposed to take away from this.
Now, even that wouldn't be so bad. Everyone forgets that once in a while, right. Everyone gets frustrated and looses focus once in a while. But that wasn't the first time this week that it happened. OUCH!! It happened yesterday, too. And while I know God forgives, and I don't think much about it when other people have these moments, I hate it when I act like the spoiled brat that I am, and loose it. Ok, I didn't come close to loosing it, but I have in the past. Like yesterday. Well, not really loose it, but more so than I would like.
But more about that tomorrow. Right now, I am asking forgiveness and seeking my Father's face. And then I am going to fall into bed and rest. I know that he has sleep for me now. And I so need it. Tomorrow is another day, with no mistakes on it, to quote a line from Anne of Green Gables. If you haven't seen the movies with Megan Follows, you should. You really really should. Now. Go to Netflix or Hulu or Voodu or whatever other movie source you like. See it soon. You will thank me for it.
Anyway, tune in tomorrow when I will answer the "why" question once and for all. You won't want to miss it. As for now, Good night and God Bless.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Truly Treasured
I received a very special gift from a very special lady today. I consider myself very blessed to call her my friend. I know she sacrificed to give me this gift. It was something that was a gift to her, and I mentioned to her how much I liked it, and now I have one. It is part of a beautiful collection of products by Dayspring Company, the Redeemed Collection. It is a lovely wallet, with a patchwork pattern on the front, and the words "truly treasured" and Romans 5:8 scripture reference stitched on the back. I love what this collection represents:
God took the bits and pieces of out broken and discarded lives, redeemed them, and then put them back together into something that is not only useful, but beautiful as well.
Thats the way he works, isn't it? What we think is broken into so many pieces that it could not possibly be useful, God puts back together, making something that is an amazing mosaic of his grace, mercy and love. It never ceases to amaze and surprise me that God would choose to use me. Maybe that is part of why he does it. He loves to be our hero. He loves to keep us in awe of Him. He loves to wow us. And he loves us to praise Him in our amazement.
I feel so honored to know such amazing, loving women. My joy in knowing them and having the privilege of being a part of them is beyond words. I know they feel like they are being blessed, but I am the one who is blessed. I have no words to describe how I feel so loved, so honored and so humbled at their acceptance, graciousness and love. Ladies, I love how you love. I love how God has taken all the broken pieces and made a spectacularly beautiful quilt out of each one of you. It is delightful to see God making something beautiful out of each of you, right before my very eyes. And as he takes the patchwork of your separate lives, and stitches them together, side by side, he brings warmth and comfort into the lives of so many others. Especially me. And I am so very thankful that he has chosen at this time to put your pieces next to mine. I love you all dearly.
God took the bits and pieces of out broken and discarded lives, redeemed them, and then put them back together into something that is not only useful, but beautiful as well.
Thats the way he works, isn't it? What we think is broken into so many pieces that it could not possibly be useful, God puts back together, making something that is an amazing mosaic of his grace, mercy and love. It never ceases to amaze and surprise me that God would choose to use me. Maybe that is part of why he does it. He loves to be our hero. He loves to keep us in awe of Him. He loves to wow us. And he loves us to praise Him in our amazement.
I feel so honored to know such amazing, loving women. My joy in knowing them and having the privilege of being a part of them is beyond words. I know they feel like they are being blessed, but I am the one who is blessed. I have no words to describe how I feel so loved, so honored and so humbled at their acceptance, graciousness and love. Ladies, I love how you love. I love how God has taken all the broken pieces and made a spectacularly beautiful quilt out of each one of you. It is delightful to see God making something beautiful out of each of you, right before my very eyes. And as he takes the patchwork of your separate lives, and stitches them together, side by side, he brings warmth and comfort into the lives of so many others. Especially me. And I am so very thankful that he has chosen at this time to put your pieces next to mine. I love you all dearly.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
LOAD....NOT
Well, I haven't posted in a few days, for many reasons, the least of which is that I decided not to continue with LOAD this month. (Layout A Day challenge with Lain Eiman: www.layoutaday.com). I haven't made a page in a week, and I haven't felt a bit guilty about it. At first it was a little weird. And I do miss it, but I really can't afford the time or energy it was requiring. So instead, I am focusing on what is really important right now, which is my relationship with Christ, and with my husband and family.
It is so easy for me to get distracted. Now I am not saying that it is wrong for me to scrapbook or do other crafts for that matter. I love to record the memories we have created as a family. I love to create wonderful things from my supplies, especially fabric and paper crafts. And I believe my talents and abilities come from a super creative God who allows me to be creative because he is creative. That is not what I am talking about here. There is nothing wrong with that. What was happening was this: LOAD became my single focus. I was thinking about that day's challenge all throughout the other activities of my day. I was distracted, and tried to race through the "less important" activities like: reading to my kids, homeschooling them, fixing meals, laundry (ok, so that one really is less important, however, it is necessary) well, you get the picture. I am embarrassed to say that I really did not want to take very long reading to the kids or doing school because I wanted to do something for me. Something fun. Something meaningful. Whoa.
Yes, sad but true, I am not perfect. I get distracted and selfish. I try to justify it by saying I am doing something important, but what I really mean is that I am doing something self-serving. Something that I can post online and all you wonderful people can look at and tell me how talented, fun, creative, and blessed I am. But the older I get, the more I realize that there is only one person I want kudos from. And that is Jesus. I want to look him in the face someday and have him say, "good job. You did what was real."
Paul says: Although I speak with tongues of men and angels, and I prophesy and give all to the poor, but don't love, I am nothing. That means to me: I can create all kinds of beauty, fill my home with stuff and look good on the outside. But if the people who know me best miss out on Christ in me, what is it worth? And how can they see Christ in me when I am so self focused?
Yes, I am a very loving, giving person. Only because of Christ in me. But I want to abandon my wants, my desires and even my own needs for the sake of Christ. He knows what I need, what will make me shine his love inside and out. He provides Great Love. Not just "good enough love". And I want to be a reflector of that. A radiator of His Great Love.
How do I do that? By setting aside the things that so easily entangle me. Like LOAD. This time, at least. Maybe in October, I will be able to do it, as my situation will have changed. Like I said earlier: Scrapbooking is not bad. Crafting is not bad. It is not wrong, nor should it make anyone feel guilty- even me. But when it becomes an All-consuming distraction for me it is. Sometimes, I need a distraction. It is necessary. Not from Christ, but so I can see Christ in the midst of difficulties. Sometimes crafting helps me connect WITH Him....my Creative Creator. But right now, my all-consuming passion needs to be Him. With no distractions. And I can't do that and do LOAD, too. So I gave it up to pursue a deeper need.
Hello. My name is Leslie, and I am a craft-aholic. It has been exactly 7 days, 4 hours and 32 minutes since I last crafted. I just made the times up. I really don't have time to figure out exactly how long it has been. I've got a more important passion to pursue. Christ in me, Christ in me, Christ in me: the hope of Glory; You are everything....Be my everything. Be my everything. Be my everything.
It is so easy for me to get distracted. Now I am not saying that it is wrong for me to scrapbook or do other crafts for that matter. I love to record the memories we have created as a family. I love to create wonderful things from my supplies, especially fabric and paper crafts. And I believe my talents and abilities come from a super creative God who allows me to be creative because he is creative. That is not what I am talking about here. There is nothing wrong with that. What was happening was this: LOAD became my single focus. I was thinking about that day's challenge all throughout the other activities of my day. I was distracted, and tried to race through the "less important" activities like: reading to my kids, homeschooling them, fixing meals, laundry (ok, so that one really is less important, however, it is necessary) well, you get the picture. I am embarrassed to say that I really did not want to take very long reading to the kids or doing school because I wanted to do something for me. Something fun. Something meaningful. Whoa.
Yes, sad but true, I am not perfect. I get distracted and selfish. I try to justify it by saying I am doing something important, but what I really mean is that I am doing something self-serving. Something that I can post online and all you wonderful people can look at and tell me how talented, fun, creative, and blessed I am. But the older I get, the more I realize that there is only one person I want kudos from. And that is Jesus. I want to look him in the face someday and have him say, "good job. You did what was real."
Paul says: Although I speak with tongues of men and angels, and I prophesy and give all to the poor, but don't love, I am nothing. That means to me: I can create all kinds of beauty, fill my home with stuff and look good on the outside. But if the people who know me best miss out on Christ in me, what is it worth? And how can they see Christ in me when I am so self focused?
Yes, I am a very loving, giving person. Only because of Christ in me. But I want to abandon my wants, my desires and even my own needs for the sake of Christ. He knows what I need, what will make me shine his love inside and out. He provides Great Love. Not just "good enough love". And I want to be a reflector of that. A radiator of His Great Love.
How do I do that? By setting aside the things that so easily entangle me. Like LOAD. This time, at least. Maybe in October, I will be able to do it, as my situation will have changed. Like I said earlier: Scrapbooking is not bad. Crafting is not bad. It is not wrong, nor should it make anyone feel guilty- even me. But when it becomes an All-consuming distraction for me it is. Sometimes, I need a distraction. It is necessary. Not from Christ, but so I can see Christ in the midst of difficulties. Sometimes crafting helps me connect WITH Him....my Creative Creator. But right now, my all-consuming passion needs to be Him. With no distractions. And I can't do that and do LOAD, too. So I gave it up to pursue a deeper need.
Hello. My name is Leslie, and I am a craft-aholic. It has been exactly 7 days, 4 hours and 32 minutes since I last crafted. I just made the times up. I really don't have time to figure out exactly how long it has been. I've got a more important passion to pursue. Christ in me, Christ in me, Christ in me: the hope of Glory; You are everything....Be my everything. Be my everything. Be my everything.
Monday, May 7, 2012
LOAD7
Todays prompt was do a layout in 30 minutes or less. OUCH!! I am not too much of a rule follower, but I did manage to get both pages done in a little under 45 minutes! It was a little crazy and I did take a little too long fiddling with the arrangement of the photos and cropping them but it is done. When I heard the prompt I knew that I wanted to do a grid. Since I am working on an album of a single event, I wanted to stay within a color scheme, and I used purple circles in yesterday's LO, so I decided to stick with it here. I love this paper for a grid, because the lines are not perfectly straight. That keeps your eye fooled a bit and you don't notice the slight differences in the size of the photos. The pink is not as bright as it seems on the photo, and it is a nice contrast to the green and purple. I did not get the journaling done, but plan to tonight. I have a lot to say about this event, and I just need time to think and type it to get it just right. But I am happy to get this much done. And I like it. Not fancy, but done!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)