LOAD....NOT

Well, I haven't posted in a few days, for many reasons, the least of which is that I decided not to continue with LOAD this month. (Layout A Day challenge with Lain Eiman: www.layoutaday.com). I haven't made a page in a week, and I haven't felt a bit guilty about it. At first it was a little weird. And I do miss it, but I really can't afford the time or energy it was requiring. So instead, I am focusing on what is really important right now, which is my relationship with Christ, and with my husband and family.

It is so easy for me to get distracted. Now I am not saying that it is wrong for me to scrapbook or do other crafts for that matter. I love to record the memories we have created as a family. I love to create wonderful things from my supplies, especially fabric and paper crafts. And I believe my talents and abilities come from a super creative God who allows me to be creative because he is creative. That is not what I am talking about here. There is nothing wrong with that. What was happening was this: LOAD became my single focus. I was thinking about that day's challenge all throughout the other activities of my day. I was distracted, and tried to race through the "less important" activities like: reading to my kids, homeschooling them, fixing meals, laundry (ok, so that one really is less important, however, it is necessary) well, you get the picture. I am embarrassed to say that I really did not want to take very long reading to the kids or doing school because I wanted to do something for me. Something fun. Something meaningful. Whoa.

Yes, sad but true, I am not perfect. I get distracted and selfish. I try to justify it by saying I am doing something important, but what I really mean is that I am doing something self-serving. Something that I can post online and all you wonderful people can look at and tell me how talented, fun, creative, and blessed I am. But the older I get, the more I realize that there is only one person I want kudos from. And that is Jesus. I want to look him in the face someday and have him say, "good job. You did what was real."

Paul says: Although I speak with tongues of men and angels, and I prophesy and give all to the poor, but don't love, I am nothing. That means to me: I can create all kinds of beauty, fill my home with stuff and look good on the outside. But if the people who know me best miss out on Christ in me, what is it worth? And how can they see Christ in me when I am so self focused?

Yes, I am a very loving, giving person. Only because of Christ in me. But I want to abandon my wants, my desires and even my own needs for the sake of Christ. He knows what I need, what will make me shine his love inside and out. He provides Great Love. Not just "good enough love". And I want to be a reflector of that. A radiator of His Great Love.

How do I do that? By setting aside the things that so easily entangle me. Like LOAD. This time, at least. Maybe in October, I will be able to do it, as my situation will have changed. Like I said earlier: Scrapbooking is not bad. Crafting is not bad. It is not wrong, nor should it make anyone feel guilty- even me. But when it becomes an All-consuming distraction for me it is. Sometimes, I need a distraction. It  is necessary. Not from Christ, but so I can see Christ in the midst of difficulties. Sometimes crafting helps me connect WITH Him....my Creative Creator. But right now, my all-consuming passion needs to be Him. With no distractions. And I can't do that and do LOAD, too. So I gave it up to pursue a deeper need.

Hello. My name is Leslie, and I am a craft-aholic. It has been exactly 7 days, 4 hours and 32 minutes since I last crafted. I just made the times up. I really don't have time to figure out exactly how long it has been. I've got a more important passion to pursue. Christ in me, Christ in me, Christ in me: the hope of Glory; You are everything....Be my everything. Be my everything. Be my everything.